Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death (accidents, cancer) among 10-14 year olds, and the 2nd leading cause of death (accidents) for 15-24 year olds. We have a responsibility, a mandate out of love for others and for the precious nature of life to change that statistic.
I am tired of suicide winning. In the last 24 hours, I have heard of two tragedies of teenagers choosing to take their own life by suicide. Loving parents often believe their teens engage in self harm or threaten suicide for attention. I have heard that time and time again in family sessions or in individual/group sessions with teens. As a parent, I understand this response; it often comes from a place of frustration or fear. None of us like to see our kids hurting. Sometimes the attention seeking part is true on many levels. Teens can be very attention seeking in their behaviors, but generally speaking, when it comes to self harm and suicidal thoughts, this is not the case. Teens most often engage in self-harm and express suicidal thoughts because THEY ARE HURTING and they do not have the skills they need to cope in a healthy way with the intensity of those emotions. And, when they do act out for attention, it’s still often because they are hurting and want someone to notice.
As a parent who loves your child, you may think they shouldn’t be hurting, or they should be more thankful, or they don’t get how good they have it, or how insignificant their pain is compared to “real life”, or even that they should just “get over it.” Truth is you may even be right sometimes. Here’s the problem: your child’s adolescent brain does not process the way your brain does; they haven’t developed the same coping skills. They may look like blossoming adults, but that brain of theirs is not fully developed until their early to mid 20’s. They are emotional, egocentric and impulsive. That is not a great combination in times of crisis.
So, as a minister, a counselor, and a father I beg you to please take your child’s self-harm or suicidal thoughts seriously, or any child you share life with for that matter (teachers, coaches, youth pastors, etc.). If they are bluffing or manipulating, you hold them accountable to those statements/behaviors and teach them you take suicidal comments seriously; if they are serious, you may just be saving your child’s life. Either way is way much better than a funeral.
I understand that parents do not always see the signs of self-harm or suicidal thoughts and are caught completely off guard. I also fully understand that parents cannot necessarily stop teens from engaging in self destructive behaviors. However, when we do see the signs, we can respond differently and it might make all the difference in the world. If you know a teen who is struggling with self-harm behaviors or expressing thoughts of suicide or despair, please seek out support and help for them. #?saveateenslife?
